So, I haven’t updated in a while. A long while. Mostly recently because I’ve been giving a giant “FUCK YOU” to the world. It’s been a rough week or so mostly, but especially this weekend.

Saturday before last, two of my best friends and my sister got into a bit of a spat, which¬†temporarily¬†put me in the middle, but I opt’ed out and then they opt’ed me out respectively. Then, on Friday, I was having the best day ever. Woke up feeling awake and fantastic, got to drive my friend’s new hybrid, my friend also brought me a donut which happened to be my favorite, got a much better grade in my class than I anticipated, and then I was having a lovely day out with my friend and our kids. Then I got probably one of the worst phone calls I’ve gotten in a while. My husband had gotten fired.

Now, if you’ve read my previous posts. I don’t work. I’ve been trying to find a job for a couple months now, but I’ve been extremely unsuccessful. So, we went from a one income household, to a NO income household. Then, on Sunday, my car stopped working. We went from a one car family, to a no car family (again). It’s scary. The only reason I haven’t broken down is because I have the best support system of friends and family ever. I’ve gotten rides to and from school from a friend. I’ve gotten offers for people to buy me groceries (another big fuck you coming up, but we’ll wait a minute or so), and offers from other people to help me with my rent if needed. My parents know and have been as supportive as they can be from across the country.

Now, the other kicker is that I was supposed to get my food stamps deposited this morning because I had to re-apply instead of re-certify due to missing some paperwork that I didn’t get in time for re-certification. So I finally called someone yesterday and she said it was supposed to go on my card today (which it hasn’t) and now I’m just frustrated. Oh, well though… I’ll just buy a bit and hope it goes onto the card tomorrow.

Times are so hard and I’m so stressed and a bit depressed honestly. It’s hard for me to let myself be depressed because I’ve worked so hard to become an optimist. And I enjoy being that optimistic person. Sometimes, I just can’t help myself… falling back into that never ending hole of endless irrational thoughts and despair. Feeling like there’s no hope and no getting better. I feel like I’m at that point, but I’m still seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, if that makes sense ^_^”

I just hope this all ends soon and we get out okay… That my family will be okay, especially my son…